True Life: I'm a human
**DISCLAIMER: This is not my normal "tell ALL of the stories about my teaching experiences and how it's made me a better educator and now I know more than I did" blog post.**
I apologize if it's not to your liking, but the cool thing about having this blog is that I control what content goes into it.
To be honest, I thought about naming this post "True Life: I'm a Human AND a Teacher," but I decided against that.
I have been putting off writing this post because it is so different from the normal stuff I blog about. I'm not teaching in the summer, thankfully, so I don't have my normal stories to share, but I really like to blog. It's therapeutic and enjoyable to sit and write out my thoughts and feelings.
Now, you're probably wondering, "What is this post about and why is she telling us she's human? We already know that..." Yes. You do, but sometimes I forget. Let me explain...
During the school year, I am completely consumed with teaching because Ineed to be. I am a teacher. I have an amazing opportunity to inspire middle school children through song. I am honestly living my dream. I don't know how many times I've said this, but it's true. I love what I do and I hope I always will.
Now what does that mean for myself as a human? I don't really know.
I remember someone telling me a long time ago that they weren't just their occupation. They wear several hats. There's always more to them, more to their story. I've been wondering about my story.
With all of the hustle and bustle of being a first year teacher, getting through that first year and trying to do a good job, learning how to be a head director, figuring out what kind of educator I am/want to be-- it's all been very time-consuming. When I get some downtime, i.e., summer break, it makes me think. A lot. And that's the main problem here.
Anxious Jasmine
Being a teacher means that I am and should be totally concerned with taking care of a program full of students, which leaves little time for me to take care of myself. Usually, I am more concerned with making sure the people in my life are taken care of and somehow, the small things that made me anxious have become large things that make me very anxious, sometimes nauseous, and utterly concerned with every aspect of my life. It's almost stifling.
I mean, I traveled to Chicago recently, and it took so much out of me. You would think that a vacation that I was looking forward to would make me excited-- don't get me wrong, I was excited, but I was also terrified...until I got there.
Chicago was fun and exciting! I had the opportunity to spend 3 days and 3 nights with one of my closest friends. It was definitely worth the anxious feelings that I had prior to and during the trip, but it is something that I need to gain control of.
No need to worry, I'm in the process of dealing with it and no, I'm not tackling it alone. But it's still a concern.
Left Behind Jasmine
My mind wanders and with all of the changes happening- not only in my life, but with my family and friends, it's hard not to think about what should be happening.
Monumental things have been happening for my friends and family! Great things! Engagements, marriages, and babies! It's awesome! I am so grateful that I have been asked to be present for these occasions and I want nothing more than happiness for my closest friends and family. However, that doesn't mean that I haven't thought about my life and where I am on the scale of adulthood.
Here's what the world says is supposed to happen:
1. Go to college.
2. Graduate.
3. Get a job/build your career.
4. Find a nice man.
5. Get married.
6. Have kids.
7. Live happily ever after.
Here's what's happened for me:
1. Go to college- CHECK!
2. Graduate- CHECK!
3. Get a job/build your career- CHECK!/Starting to...
Now, I think I know what you're thinking-- is this a blog post about how you are being very impatient about not being with someone/getting married/having kids? No. This is not that kind of post. I hope you all know me well enough to believe me when I say that I am okay with being single.
Really.
Does that mean that I haven't thought about that next step? I would be lying if I said no.
Do I want a marriage and kids now? No. But do I doubt it will happen? Sometimes...
"So, where is this going?"
Good question.
I'm a teacher. I'm a daughter/grand-daughter. I'm a sister. I'm an aunt. I'm a friend. I'm a mentor. I'm a believer.
I'm a human.
Human Jasmine
I forget about that last one. I forget that it is normal for me to feel these things. I have been avoiding having this conversation with people because I feel like if I talked about it, I would be complaining and that is the last thing I want to do. I am so blessed. I am fortunate to be alive and well, surrounded by loving, supportive family and friends with an amazing job doing what I love, but what's next? That's the question that I am dreading and have heard so many times. Along with, "Is there a special guy in your life? Are you in a relationship? Any babies coming soon?" And then, I have to stop them and politely say, "No, no, goodness no, not yet."
I know that I am not the only twenty-something that feels this way. I know that I am not the only person who deals with anxiety about completely normal things, like a small trip to Chicago. I know that I have plenty of time to build my career and also build a life with someone, but that doesn't mean that I don't worry about this stuff. I'm a human. I'm supposed to.
"So, how are you going to deal with this??"
Well, I could sit and wallow, but that isn't going to fix anything. Besides, I think I have done enough of that. I have to make certain decisions in my life to actually make something happen and for the things that I cannot control, I have to constantly remind myself of this:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
As a human, I will have anxieties. Small things that seem normal will feel like the biggest hurdles I have to jump. I will have worries. I will think that I'm being left behind, when in reality, I am doing exactly what I should be doing.
I am not only a teacher; I wear many hats. And I cannot continue to neglect certain things that make me uneasy and upset. At some point, I have to accept that I cannot control every aspect of my life. I'd much rather that happen sooner rather than later. I feel like I'm preaching to myself at this point...
I apologize if it's not to your liking, but the cool thing about having this blog is that I control what content goes into it.
To be honest, I thought about naming this post "True Life: I'm a Human AND a Teacher," but I decided against that.
I have been putting off writing this post because it is so different from the normal stuff I blog about. I'm not teaching in the summer, thankfully, so I don't have my normal stories to share, but I really like to blog. It's therapeutic and enjoyable to sit and write out my thoughts and feelings.
Now, you're probably wondering, "What is this post about and why is she telling us she's human? We already know that..." Yes. You do, but sometimes I forget. Let me explain...
During the school year, I am completely consumed with teaching because I
Now what does that mean for myself as a human? I don't really know.
I remember someone telling me a long time ago that they weren't just their occupation. They wear several hats. There's always more to them, more to their story. I've been wondering about my story.
With all of the hustle and bustle of being a first year teacher, getting through that first year and trying to do a good job, learning how to be a head director, figuring out what kind of educator I am/want to be-- it's all been very time-consuming. When I get some downtime, i.e., summer break, it makes me think. A lot. And that's the main problem here.
Anxious Jasmine
Being a teacher means that I am and should be totally concerned with taking care of a program full of students, which leaves little time for me to take care of myself. Usually, I am more concerned with making sure the people in my life are taken care of and somehow, the small things that made me anxious have become large things that make me very anxious, sometimes nauseous, and utterly concerned with every aspect of my life. It's almost stifling.
I mean, I traveled to Chicago recently, and it took so much out of me. You would think that a vacation that I was looking forward to would make me excited-- don't get me wrong, I was excited, but I was also terrified...until I got there.
Chicago was fun and exciting! I had the opportunity to spend 3 days and 3 nights with one of my closest friends. It was definitely worth the anxious feelings that I had prior to and during the trip, but it is something that I need to gain control of.
No need to worry, I'm in the process of dealing with it and no, I'm not tackling it alone. But it's still a concern.
Left Behind Jasmine
My mind wanders and with all of the changes happening- not only in my life, but with my family and friends, it's hard not to think about what should be happening.
Monumental things have been happening for my friends and family! Great things! Engagements, marriages, and babies! It's awesome! I am so grateful that I have been asked to be present for these occasions and I want nothing more than happiness for my closest friends and family. However, that doesn't mean that I haven't thought about my life and where I am on the scale of adulthood.
Here's what the world says is supposed to happen:
1. Go to college.
2. Graduate.
3. Get a job/build your career.
4. Find a nice man.
5. Get married.
6. Have kids.
7. Live happily ever after.
Here's what's happened for me:
1. Go to college- CHECK!
2. Graduate- CHECK!
3. Get a job/build your career- CHECK!/Starting to...
Now, I think I know what you're thinking-- is this a blog post about how you are being very impatient about not being with someone/getting married/having kids? No. This is not that kind of post. I hope you all know me well enough to believe me when I say that I am okay with being single.
Really.
Does that mean that I haven't thought about that next step? I would be lying if I said no.
Do I want a marriage and kids now? No. But do I doubt it will happen? Sometimes...
"So, where is this going?"
Good question.
I'm a teacher. I'm a daughter/grand-daughter. I'm a sister. I'm an aunt. I'm a friend. I'm a mentor. I'm a believer.
I'm a human.
Human Jasmine
I forget about that last one. I forget that it is normal for me to feel these things. I have been avoiding having this conversation with people because I feel like if I talked about it, I would be complaining and that is the last thing I want to do. I am so blessed. I am fortunate to be alive and well, surrounded by loving, supportive family and friends with an amazing job doing what I love, but what's next? That's the question that I am dreading and have heard so many times. Along with, "Is there a special guy in your life? Are you in a relationship? Any babies coming soon?" And then, I have to stop them and politely say, "No, no, goodness no, not yet."
I know that I am not the only twenty-something that feels this way. I know that I am not the only person who deals with anxiety about completely normal things, like a small trip to Chicago. I know that I have plenty of time to build my career and also build a life with someone, but that doesn't mean that I don't worry about this stuff. I'm a human. I'm supposed to.
"So, how are you going to deal with this??"
Well, I could sit and wallow, but that isn't going to fix anything. Besides, I think I have done enough of that. I have to make certain decisions in my life to actually make something happen and for the things that I cannot control, I have to constantly remind myself of this:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
As a human, I will have anxieties. Small things that seem normal will feel like the biggest hurdles I have to jump. I will have worries. I will think that I'm being left behind, when in reality, I am doing exactly what I should be doing.
I am not only a teacher; I wear many hats. And I cannot continue to neglect certain things that make me uneasy and upset. At some point, I have to accept that I cannot control every aspect of my life. I'd much rather that happen sooner rather than later. I feel like I'm preaching to myself at this point...
Thanks for reading,
Jasmine
