Happiness looks good on me.

Hello. I'm Jasmine, one of the most flaky bloggers you'll ever meet and I'm not mad about it. Cool thing is, I'm here, ready to tell you about my life.

BACKSTORY: I am an anxious mess. I think I always have been. I put a ton of pressure on myself and I have to do everything and if it's not perfect, I melt down. Ask my mom. Call it ridiculous, or middle child syndrome- the only thing I couldn't call it was anxiety.

I am very blessed by my friends and family. The past year was rough. Year 3 was one of the hardest years for me because of my anxiety and I knew what I needed to do, but couldn't bring myself to do it, which was go to the doctor to talk about it. I found myself coping with help from friends and avoiding the real issues altogether. Not a good method for anyone. That form of self-coping doesn't help and it catches up to you and then knocks you down. Hard.

So, about a month ago, I got knocked down unexpectedly. My anxiety manifests itself in odd ways. Chest pain, panic attacks, and the newest symptom, abdominal pain. Excruciating (yes, I'm exaggerating BECAUSE I CAN) pain. It was awful and it happened during a normal work day. My roommate and awesome friend took care of me and the following day, I went to the doctor. I thought my pain was because I was slowly dying a painful death, but it was anxiety. Shocking.

UPDATE: I'm doing better than I have been in a very long time. I am getting the necessary help and yes, I am medicated. I can process and deal with things that used to eat at me and I am visibly more calm...at times. 

Yesterday, with the most help from friends and colleagues, I got to run my first Region contest and it was awesome. Lots of things could have gone wrong, but the people I get to work with made it a success. I have the best job in the world. I also get to serve as a leader and grow in this position. It takes a lot of work, but I like it.

This morning, however, I woke up more anxious at 5 AM. Chest pain and panic was there, but instead of freaking out, I went for a 2 mile run and now I'm blogging outside in this gorgeous weather. I get to see my family for the first time in weeks later today and I am so. freaking. excited.

I am still and will forever be a work in progress and I think that's okay. I am learning that I can be better with help and for the longest time, I was too afraid to ask for it. There's a stigma when it comes to anxiety. I have felt ashamed and apologized profusely for how I used to handle things in my life and that's not a good way to live. 

I like being happy. It looks good on me. 


Thanks for reading,

Jasmine